Tag Archives: humor

Vices (A Conversation With a Friend)

“I need a fucking drink.”
“I need a fucking drink, too.”
“Yeah? If I was there, we’d go have one together. I need somebody to talk and drink with.”
“You’d have a partner in me. I love to have a social cocktail every now and again.”
“If by every now and again, you mean you’re a degenerate alcoholic like me that’s already drinking at 4:00 in the afternoon, count me as a friend. I should have gone to Nevada to hit the craps tables. Guess it’s not too late. Only a 45-minute drive…”
“Hell, I’d go if it was only 45 minutes away. And no, I seriously drink socially and that’s it.”
“Oh. I drink to take the pain away. Does that make me an alcoholic? Only if I admit it, right?”
“I write to take the pain away. Does that make me a writer? Only if I admit it, right?”
“Can one have multiple addictions at the same time? Answer: no. So you’re a writer with other vices. I’m an alcoholic who happens to write as a vice. I just wish my other vice wasn’t sex. I’m often disappointed and still have to practice ‘self-reliance’ on a regular basis.”

Tagged , , , , , ,

A New Year’s Letter

To whomever it may concern:

If you’re reading this, Happy New Year 2012!

Tonight is the night where you get together with people you can sing “Auld Lang Syne” with arm in arm and shoulder to shoulder while drunk and not feel awkward around the next day.

Or maybe you just hum the tune since you don’t actually know the words to the song. That’s okay, too. I’m not sure anybody really knows it, so don’t feel bad.

Enjoy a kiss with a loved one. Or perhaps a perfect stranger. This is the only day it’s somewhat acceptable to kiss a stranger and not get slapped. Take advantage of it.

As the clock ticks down and restarts a whole new year, cherish it. Eat, drink, be merry. Celebrate the passing of a year and the beginning of a new one like it’s your last.

The best is yet to come.

Love,
The Mayans

P.S. – Mark this date on your calendar: December 21st, 2012.

-Officially decoded Mayan message

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: